People Don't Belong to People

Happy Valentine's Day! I'm here to emphasize that the people you find attractive, as well as the people you find neutral or unattractive, don't belong to you.

I don't understand why people feel the need to comment on how someone else looks.

Well, I should be clearer: there are certain ways people comment on other people's looks that I don't understand. I'm completely in support of people who notice something aesthetically pleasing about someone else and compliment them for it. That can brighten someone's day. I also get why people might point out that someone has food stuck in their teeth, or that they're wearing something that isn't professional enough for the job interview they're headed to. Some people want that kind of warning, especially in the second example, since it might make or break an interview.

Any other comment related to appearance strikes me needlessly critical of something that has nothing to do with you.

I notice this most when women in the public eye alter their hair somehow, especially when it involves cutting the hair short. Despite the fact that women have been cutting their hair short forever, a lot of people think women look "objectively better" with long hair (perhaps because long hair is associated with femininity, and we all know how people like to keep women in a feminine box). There's this weird possessiveness involved with fans of these women, and a lot of them act personally offended if one of them changes her hair in a way they don't approve of. When I cut my hair in July, I deleted plenty of Instagram comments that said things like "Nooooo!" and "Whyyy???", mostly from men. Apparently, I was disrupting their lives somehow by making a choice about the hair sitting on my own head.

"Objectively better" my ass.

I vote that we stop passing critical judgments on how people should stylistically express themselves. The main reason why: "objectively better" doesn't exist. Beauty is subjective. There isn't a single thing in the world that every person on Earth agrees is beautiful. Keeping that in mind, we should allow every person to be in charge of their own personal beauty, because odds are, the way they're presenting themselves is their idea of beautiful. Your criticisms of their beauty are invalid, because their opinions about their body, face, hair, etc. will trump yours every single time. This includes well-intentioned comments.

Not every compliment is even safe from this, because they can sometimes come off as backhanded. I've had several people say to me that it's lucky I "have a face for" a pixie cut. So, if I didn't have the "face" for a pixie cut, whatever that is, I shouldn't get one, even if I want one? If I think a pixie cut looks good on me and I want it, that should be the end of the story. I don't care what height or width you think my face should be, or how my jawline should look relative to the hairstyle, or what shade of skin "works best" with what hair color. Aesthetic theorists have been trying for centuries to come up with a working definition of beauty and no definition has been agreed upon by everyone. Any supposed "standards" for what the ideal pixie cut face looks like have been invented by our culture, our media, the advertising industry, etc., which are all biased towards white faces and bodies. They're not as relevant to your personal taste as you think they are.

As far as those in the public eye go, this speaks to a larger problem in society of fans treating people like they're commodities rather than, you know, people. Some artists and actors draw people in partially because of their physical aesthetic. Okay, that's fine--nothing wrong with enjoying what a person looks like as long as you don't dehumanize them. So when one of these artists tries something new, i.e. alters that aesthetic, fans react like the "product" sold to them didn't arrive with all the features the Amazon description promised. They get angry. They feel betrayed. The artist in question becomes something they own, and they demand that "it" switch back to what they "paid" for. This especially affects people who aren't content with one style for long and change it up often.

Whenever Hayley Williams deviates from red or orange, some people act like she's no longer Hayley Williams. (Source)

But this isn't limited to celebrities. Most people do this in some form or another with the people in their lives, especially their significant others. The idea that a significant other needs to monitor or approve of how their significant other looks inherently suppresses individuality. It can lead to someone folding themselves into an ill-fitted box so that the other person likes what they see (I know, because I've done it). It can reduce someone's chances of trying something new and exciting because they fear the backlash from their significant other.

This wouldn't be such a problem if it wasn't a thing that people expect between couples in this society. Not tolerate, or put up with, or ignore. Expect. And it grosses me out.

I once dated someone who "playfully" whined every time I got a haircut, and who made comments about how he missed the long hair I had when we started dating. Days after we broke up, I cut it shorter than it'd ever been (mostly because I'd wanted to, anyway, but there was some spite in there). I'm thankful every day that I didn't let his complaints influence what choices I made with my hair, and I wish I hadn't let him influence my fashion choices in the same way.

I've made a couple drastic changes with my hair in the last few months, but not once did I ask my fiancé if they would be all right with me having a pixie cut, or with me dying it red. I also didn't ask their permission to change my glasses frames to larger Ray-Bans. And, because they respect my autonomy, I've gotten nothing but support from them.

You are not your significant other's parent, and they're not yours. With that in mind, it doesn't make sense ask them if an outfit is okay to wear, or if they'd be bothered if your nails were a certain color, or if they wouldn't want to be seen with you in those shoes. Of course, this is different from asking for their input, such as, "Do you think I should go with the blue or green eyeshadow?" or "Which pair of jeans do you think fits me best?" Any opinion they give in response to those questions is invited. But if you treat their opinions on your appearance as the be-all, end-all, you risk burying your individuality. This is about you and your body, not theirs.

If only the movie had let her retain that opinion, LIKE IN THE BOOK. (Yeah, I'm one of the few Audrey Hepburn fans who can't stand the movie version of Breakfast at Tiffany's).

If you can't read the above captions, here's the text:

Paul: Holly, I am in love with you.
Holly: So what?
Paul: So what? So plenty! I love you! You belong to me.
Holly: No. People don't belong to people.
Paul: Of course they do!
Holly: I'm not gonna let anyone put me in a cage!
Paul: I'm not gonna put you in a cage. I wanna love you!
Holly: It's the same thing!

While I wouldn't necessarily agree with Holly Golightly that being loved and being put in a cage are the same thing, I don't blame her for thinking so. She was a woman in the 1960s, and most of the men who claimed to love her acted like loving her fell right into step with owning her, like Dumbass McGee up there. If entering a relationship with someone involves giving up some crucial part of what makes you you, it's not worth it. Sure, people in relationships make sacrifices for each other, but said sacrifices shouldn't result in you absorbing your entire being into another person. Don't give someone else ownership over you. Establish a partnership instead.

This doesn't just apply to women, or to people in heterosexual relationships. Occasionally, people nag my nonbinary fiancé about trimming or shaving their beard, or cutting their hair. Usually, they say they don't want to, because it's their face/head and they should be able to do what they damn well please. Sometimes, people will say that it's fine if they don't shave/cut it, as long as I'm fine with it. What the hell? It shouldn't matter whether or not I'm fine with it. I don't set boundaries for my fiancé's appearance, no matter how big or small. They're at their most beautiful when they're happy with how they look.

I mean, look at that happy face.

At this point, I'm not even comfortable assigning outfits for my future bridesmaids/groomspeople (?)/insert-gender-neutral-term-for-people-who-stand-next-to-you-in-a-wedding-here. It feels weird. Like, I guess it should be formal and maybe match a color theme? I don't know? They should be the people to choose.

So, go out there and have a nice Valentine's Day. Spread judgment-free love. I don't care if the person's your friend, your significant other, your child, your sibling, or your grandma. Let people be themselves.

-Morgan

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Frequently Asked Questions

Last updated on October 4, 2015.

So, I've decided to take a leaf out of Mara Wilson's book and respond to some questions I'm asked on Twitter all the time. It's understandable, of course--I get new followers, they haven't seen my responses to previous questions, and so they ask me. I thought it would be a lot more convenient to put them all together here, just so I'm not answering the same common questions over and over again. Here we go!

1) Why did you stop acting? Will you ever act again?

I stopped acting for many reasons, but they are best summarized in this post and this post. As for the second question, I doubt it. I've got a lot going on right now--I'm writing novels, editing novels, researching the publishing industry, keeping up this blog, and more. Acting isn't really in the cards. As for the distant future, I'm not planning on it...but hey, if I ever published my novels and one got adapted into a movie, I wouldn't mind appearing in it! So long as the role was appropriate.

2) Are you in touch with any of your former castmates?

Not very many of them, but I am in touch with a few online. We don't talk often, but I'm always happy to interact with them when the occasion arises. Most of the people in my life are family members/loved ones, people I attended school with, and other friends made outside acting.

3) What was it like to work with [insert former castmate here]?

This answer varies from actor to actor, but honestly, I can't think of anyone I worked with who would elicit a "Yeah, they sucked" reaction from me. Everyone I worked with had (and probably still has) lovely qualities.

5) What writing projects are you working on?

Thank you so much for your interest! For a long time, I have been working on a four-part YA fantasy series. The first book in the series, and the one that's the most polished, is The Hollow Between. I am currently drafting book four.

6) Can we chat privately over e-mail?

I'm afraid I wouldn't feel comfortable chatting with strangers over e-mail. First of all, there's an imbalance--you know a lot more about me than I do about you, because you've seen me in a movie/TV, but I've never seen you before. That doesn't mean I'm not open to chatting with new, friendly people (who I bet are every bit as interesting as anyone on TV!), but I feel more comfortable doing it in a public setting. If you want to contact me, please do so in a mention over Twitter. Unless I feel like you're asking me something too personal, I will be happy to respond.

Note: I don't DM fans over Twitter or Instagram for the same reasons I won't give out my e-mail.

7) What social media sites are you on?

My public social media presences include this blog, my Twitter account, and my Instagram account. Please note that these are my ONLY public accounts; any others you see are impersonators. I'm open to interacting with fans on all of these platforms. I also have a GoodReads account, but I don't spend much time chatting with anyone on there. I also only tend to add real-life friends as friends on GoodReads. I have other online accounts, but those are private, and usually reserved for people I know personally.

8) Will you look at my writing?

Depends on how long it is and if it's available online. If the only way you can get it to me is via e-mail, see #6 above. I'm happy to look at short pieces that don't take very much time, and if I read, I will give feedback.

9) Will you collaborate on a writing project with me?

I've never collaborated on a writing project before. I may do so in the future, but for now, I lead a busy life and probably wouldn't be able to commit to a joint project like that.

10) Will it bother you if I call you Lulu, Kim, Sarah, etc.?

Yes. I understand that most people know me by the names of the characters I play on TV, but my identity is more than those roles, especially since I no longer act. Please be respectful of my identity and call me Morgan. For more on this, read here (scroll up and read the first six tweets from the top).

11) Will you follow me on Twitter/Instagram?

When I first joined Twitter, I decided to follow back everyone who asked me. I thought, "Why don't more people do this? It's a nice thing to do!" I quickly learned why. The more people I followed back, the more cluttered my newsfeed became with things I wasn't necessarily interested in. Soon enough, I realized scrolling through my Twitter feed had become a chore. That wasn't good, since I joined the website so I could join and learn more about its writing community. So I unfollowed a bunch of people and will now only follow people if they're generating content I'm interested in seeing. This of course doesn't mean the people I unfollowed weren't saying delightful things in their own right--they just didn't align with my interests and it made no sense for me to follow them.

12) I have a question for you that isn't covered here. How may I ask it?

You can send me a tweet on Twitter (just put @morganyorkwrite at the beginning of your tweet). Some people ask questions in the comment section of one of my Instagram pictures, which is also fine.

13) Will you ever shut up about Leo Tolstoy/James Joyce/Audrey Hepburn/Paramore?

No.

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The Only Thing I Know That's Keeping Me Alive

And that's the hope I have, the only thing I know that's keeping me alive. - Paramore, "Last Hope"

People have different reasons for why they write. I respect that. I also strive to be an empathetic human being who works to understand other people's perspectives. Sometimes, this is hard to do. Especially when I read about a writer who only wants to entertain, rather than instill meaning into his or her story. Especially when I read about a writer who has considered giving up writing altogether because his or her failures have become too frustrating. Not just giving up submitting to agents or publishers. Giving up writing itself.

Have I ever gotten frustrated with the writing process, or the editing process, or the rejection process? You bet. "Frustrated" is an understatement. Have I ever thought to myself that I suck, or that I'll never get anything published? Absolutely. Have I experienced moments of disillusionment with the publishing process/world? I can't imagine anyone in the writing and/or publishing world who hasn't.

Have I ever considered giving up writing?

About as many times as I've considered chopping off my arms and selling them on eBay. So, no.

(Although if someone I cared deeply about needed an arm and doctors invented some magical surgery in which arm donations worked, I would donate my arm a lot faster than I would give up writing).

I'm not one of those people who took up writing because it seemed like fun, or because I wasn't sure what else to do. No snobbiness meant there--if you're one of those people, great, and that's valid. It just isn't who I am. I'm one of the (probably) thousands of people who writes because it saved my life. Without writing, I don't know where I would be right now, emotionally or academically. I don't know who I would be. I am writing. Writing is me.

When I started really researching the writing craft, around the time I started getting ideas for my first novel (I wanted to do the thing right, see), I gathered one piece of advice that seemed to permeate all the different lists of tricks, discussions, and books I read about writing: be honest. Be truthful. That's the core of writing for me. What does that mean, exactly, especially when you're writing a novel, which by definition is approximately 300 pages of something that never really happened?

It means you have to mean every word. Every sentence must stay true to your character's personality, emotional state, circumstances, and context. Every page must fall into line with some facet of human existence that you know to be true for at least one person, whether you experienced it yourself, watched another person go through it, or even scooped it up from a book or movie. Every chapter must paint a picture that convinces the reader he/she can touch, taste, smell, and breathe the fictional world you've created. Every book must make a reader believe, make them feel the truth enveloping the core of the book.

So, before I could write something real, I had to look at my own life. I had to examine truths. There were easier truths, like what my opinion was on the best possible way to describe a rose (yes, truths can be subjective). But there were also harder truths. I had to look at parts of my own reality that were broken and figure out why. I had to accept my own truths. I had to dig into those truths, pin them under a microscope, and acknowledge that sometimes, after hours of inspection, I would still have no idea what I was looking at or why.

Many of these truths changed my life, and hurt. Really hurt. But if it weren't for writing, if it weren't for the catalyst that made me start looking at the world around me so I could write about another, I might still be living in ignorance. I might still be sad and not know why. My life would be tremendously different.

Four years ago, I sunk into a depression because of something going on in my life. The only positive things I felt like I had were Paramore's third album brand new eyes (Oh, gee, now you see where the attachment comes from!) and my second novel. The depression was bad, but it would have been a million times worse if I didn't have my writing, if I didn't have an extended goal, if I didn't have my characters. I wrote 100,000 words in four months during that depression. That is huge for me, a chronic slow drafter.

What is it about writing, then, that saves me, besides helping me discover my own truths? If I'm upset and have enough sense to write myself out of my sadness (because sometimes I'm an idiot who insists she's too upset to write. Uh huh. That's like saying "I'm too hungry to eat."), something happens. Dozens of times, I've listen to my sniffles slowly die down as I become more absorbed in the story. My problems vanish. My pain evaporates. Slowly, they are eclipsed by problems and pain belonging to other people. My issues don't matter right now, because so-and-so is miserable about such-and-such, and he/she needs me to transcribe that sorrow into words. No one else can do it. And sure, these people aren't real (ouch, my heart). But their emotional experiences are. Millions of people throughout history have felt the same fear and shame one of my gay characters feels about coming out of the closet. Countless people have experienced feelings of worthlessness, hopelessness, recklessness. This is how my characters are each, individually, thousand of nuggets of truth.

Yes, I suppose you could aim to write purely for entertainment. But a book can never be just that, at least not for everyone in the world. No matter what, your book will reveal conscious, subconscious, and unconscious aspects of your psyche. The words you choose will reveal your background, your upbringing, your values. Your characters' moral codes will reflect societal paradigms, expectations, realities. Pure and mindless entertainment, at least when it comes to fiction, does not and cannot exist.

The Paramore quote I posted at the top of this entry might seem melodramatic. Maybe it is. But it's how I feel about writing. I might not literally be dead if I didn't have writing. But I might not be as emotionally aware. I might feel like one of the thousands of helpless people who aren't sure why they're on this planet (if this is you--you'll find it, I promise, as long as you keep looking). I might not be as honest with myself as I am.

No one can tell me I'm not meant to write. I feel it in my bloodstream. Sure, someone can time travel from the future to tell me I'll never get recognition, and no one outside my family and friends will ever read my words. To that I say, so the hell what?

I might never publish a word, but I know I'm here to write until I die.

-Morgan

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Artistic Growth, In Writing and in All Forms of Art

Prepare yourselves. I'm about to get a little rambly (though if you've been following this blog, I assume that's a thing you're okay with?).

I know some people like consistency. When they listen to an album they like, watch a movie they enjoy, or read their favorite book, they hope to see more of something similar from the musician, director, or writer who produced it. It makes sense from a logical standpoint. After all, I eagerly eat chocolate because I have eaten chocolate in the past and it has proven to my taste buds time and time again that it is delicious. The difference with chocolate, though, is that it is a generic product produced by scores of companies all over the world, and has been for some time. Unless it's being featured on the food channel, chocolate is not generally considered a form of art. And when it comes to art, consumers must be flexible.

The recent release of the new Paramore album [Wikipedia link] is what got me thinking about artistic growth, but, since I'm a fan of multiple types of artists, as most people are, it's popped into my head more than a couple of times (more on that later). For those who don't know, this album, though it is the band's fourth, is the first album Paramore created without two of its original founding members, former guitarist Josh Farro and former drummer Zac Farro. Both Farros brought wonderful things to the band--Josh was responsible for writing many of the songs that have touched my heart, and Zac's an infectious drummer--so it was inevitable that this album would be different.

Boy, is it ever. They're exploring multiple genres in this album and the lyrics have a kind of optimism that, while it bubbled under the surface of their third album especially, nobody's ever seen from them before. I never thought I'd hear a ukelele or a gospel choir in a Paramore song before giving this album a listen. And I can't describe the unadulterated joy this album brought me the first time I heard it all the way through.

I was just as excited when they released their third album, brand new eyes, in 2009. But I remember that, while I enjoyed the songs immensely, I had trouble telling many of them apart. Only after a couple weeks could I hear the beginning of a song and go, "Okay, this is 'Looking Up,' not 'Where the Lines Overlap'." With this album, the self-titled Paramore, I know what song I'm listening to instantaneously, and I adore almost every one of them. I imagine part of why I'm so obsessed with this album is because I know it took risk to make it. They needed to grow as artists and, while they knew their experiment might not work out, they gave it a try, anyway. I admire that in any artist.

Hundreds of Facebook commenters don't agree with me. I won't post any actual quotes so as not to oust anyone, but here are some examples that capture the gist:

"What the hell is this pop shit? Bring back the Farros!"

"Wow, what happened to the REAL Paramore?"

"Guys, it's over. Paramore no longer exists. They've totally sold out."

And, my very favorite: "How could they do this to their fans?!"

Uhh, okay. Neil Gaiman once wrote a wonderful blog post called "Entitlement Issues" [link to Neil Gaiman's journal] when someone asked him if authors owe it to their writers to speed up the process of finishing their books, speaking specifically of George R. R. Martin, author of the Song of Ice and Fire series. Here's an excerpt from Gaiman's response:

Look, this may not be palatable, Gareth, and I keep trying to come up with a better way to put it, but the simplicity of things, at least from my perspective is this:

George R.R. Martin is not your bitch.

This is a useful thing to know, perhaps a useful thing to point out when you find yourself thinking that possibly George is, indeed, your bitch, and should be out there typing what you want to read right now.

Though Gaiman was speaking about fans expecting artists to meet certain deadlines, I believe this applies to artistic growth as well. Of course any good artist cares about his or her fans--without the fans, the artist wouldn't have success. Of course they want to make the fans happy. But that does not mean the artist should be expected to compromise whatever vision they may have for their art in order to please others. The ideal is when what the fans want and what the artist wants align with one another, which, in the case of Paramore, actually seems to have happened [link to billboard.com article]. But sometimes they don't, and the (good) artist produces whatever's bursting from their soul either way. Power to them.

Obviously, plenty of people disagree with this. That's fine. Personally, complaints about how an artist has "changed" drive me crazy. In fact, if I keep up with an artist and I don't see any growth whatsoever after a while, if I'm just listening to/watching/reading the same old thing over and over, I lose patience with that artist. Having some recurring themes across the years is one thing, and can be fun to track. Producing the same artistic product over a lengthy period of time is tedious and pointless. This probably comes from the same part of my personality that rejects the idea of sticking to one genre for my entire life. There's a reason that after I finish my fantasy series, I desperately want to write a contemporary novel. I don't like boxes very much, or figurative ones, anyway.

A similar thing happened in September when J.K. Rowling released The Casual Vacancy. Everyone was all excited that J.K. Rowling had written something else. I know people who wished their local Barnes and Noble was throwing a midnight release party for it. What happened when they read it, or started reading it? "This isn't Harry Potter!" they exclaimed. Did...did you expect it to be? Did you not see the title? Or the description? Or the fact that it is in the adult section? What the hell did you think was going to happen? You'd open the book and the title page would be like, "Surprise! This book is actually called Harry Potter and the Casual Vacancy. Here's a drawing by Mary Grandpré." ?

And I loved The Casual Vacancy. I got attached to several of the characters and had trouble sleeping the night I finished because the ending shook me up so much. It proved to me that Rowling is a powerful writer who is capable of branching out. Sure, when Deathly Hallows came out, I had expectations. I wanted desperately to read the scene where Ron and Hermione finally kissed. What would I have done if she hadn't included that scene? I probably would have thrown a fit, but that's because I was fourteen years old and ridiculous. Regardless, there would have been nothing I could have done about it. If Rowling didn't write it, it meant it wasn't part of her vision. And every artist has a right to putting his or her vision out there. It doesn't mean they're not grateful for their fans. In fact, usually it's their way of saying, "Thank you for loving my work! Here's another thing I poured my heart into, and I hope you love this one, too!"

Essentially, let people do what they love. For all I know, the next Legend of Zelda game could completely toss out their usual get-a-cool-item-in-a-dungeon-and-use-it-to-beat-the-boss formula and give Link a machine gun, or Paramore's next album could be made up entirely of rap songs. What is the worst that happens to me? I don't like the game or album, am a little disappointed, and don't buy it. Then, oh my god, my life continues. If you are an artist taking a risk for the sake of growth, I respect you immensely, and I hope I can have the courage to do the same all throughout my life.

Also, will people shut up about Hayley Williams' (lead singer of Paramore) bangs? She could shave her head and tattoo a gorilla on it for all I care, because her hair doesn't make the music I love.

-Morgan

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Beware of You

So, any of you who follow the old Twitter account I had two years ago (good riddance, I wrote some stupid stuff on that Twitter) know that I'm a huge Paramore fan. A while back, the band's lead singer, Hayley Williams, came up with this catchphrase called B.O.Y., which stands for "beware of you." Here's how she explained it on her tumblr:

"I came up with it cause I wanted something that reminded me that I have the ability… power… (whatever you want to call it)… to build myself up or tear myself down. I’ve done an incredible job at doing both. And it’s my choice which one I want to be better at."

This philosophy really inspires me, especially at this point of my life. I liked it so much I even bought the shirt (links to Paramore's official store, not affiliated with me), which I'm a little too obsessed with. Why is it so relevant to me? Well, right now it's relevant because I'm in college, where everyone is thinking about careers and ambition, and to get what you want, you've really got to fight for it, because no one else is gonna do it for you. But, really, it's relevant to everyone, in almost every situation.

"B.O.Y." spoke to me because I think the main reason people fail is they get in their own way. Lots of people have shown amazement that I'm writing my third novel (I usually remind them that length is no indicator of quality, so while I thank them for their compliment, I hope they don't assume the books are good before reading them), and express that they admire the ability to sit down and write something of such length. I've also heard people comment that they're "writing" their own book as well, and have been for five years, and actually, they're still prewriting, but they're gonna write chapter one eventually, they just have to make sure everything's perfect first...

If you wanna write a novel, write it. If you want to act, taking acting classes. If you want to make bicycles for a living, hell, find someone who does that and learn from them. Because more often than not, people say they want to do something, and then they stand in their own way. Most of the time, they don't realize they're doing it--if they did, they'd probably do something about it. Instead, they blame outside obstacles--"I don't have enough time" or "I never have the energy to do anything because I don't get enough sleep." If you really want to do something, you make time for it. Really, your schedule's so packed that you can't sit down and write a page or something? What about that hour you spent watching Dance Moms? Was that crucial to your daily routine?

Now, don't get me wrong--it's OKAY, even healthy to dedicate a portion of your day to doing something mindless and relaxing. Going at top-speed every second of the day could drive you crazy. That's one reason I play video games. I hate most TV, so I use video games to relax. But if you find yourself spending hours surfing the Internet (guilty) on your off time, when you could be using that time to follow your dream, you're getting in your own way. You could even use that relaxation time as a reward for putting in work if you need an extra motivational push--one hour of practicing guitar earns you an hour of Facebook, for example. I'm not saying I follow this rule perfectly, either. I just know that when I sit back on the couch and say, "Eh, I'm too tired to write/edit today," it's nobody's fault but mine.

At this point, you might be reading this and thinking, "What do you know, Morgan? What are you, nineteen? You haven't ever even had a real job. I, for one, am trying to find a job every day, and I still haven't had any luck. How does that fall under the B.O.Y. philosophy?" Well, that's different. What you have to ask yourself in this situation is, are you giving it your all? Are you job-hunting every single day without exception (unless an emergency/sickness calls for it)? If you can't afford to drive all over the place for interviews, are you taking the bus instead? Are you swallowing your pride and applying to not-so-glamorous jobs so you can support yourself/your family until you get a job you want? If your answer to all these questions is yes, then you're NOT getting in your own way. There's a point where you've done everything you can and can still fail because of obstacles outside your control. If you're an actor who put their all into every audition, was always friendly and polite, wasn't afraid to audition for roles they didn't particularly like, and you're still out of work, you can fairly say, "I gave it my all." Sometimes, there's nothing we can do about a situation but bring our personal best to it, and if that doesn't yield the results you want, you've still improved yourself.

There are exceptions like the ones I listed above, but the majority of people in first-world countries (at least the people I know) do have the time and resources to fight for what they want. And they don't. They don't seem to realize the reason they're not a world-famous ice skater is because they're not working toward that goal. It's like they expect some sort of external push. The real world is not like grade school. If you start slipping away from your goal, the teacher doesn't send your parents an e-mail saying, "I'm really worried about so-and-so's eventual career as a doctor. Can we set up a conference so we can fix this?" Teachers give that wake-up call in grade school because you're a kid. In the working world, you're an adult. You should have the tools to motivate yourself by now.

So, unless you're a single parent working two jobs just to care for your family (and if this is you, I admire you for working so hard and sacrificing so much for your kids), go out there and do the thing you've always wanted to do. You're not gonna get what you want automatically--it might, and probably will, take years. But if/when you get there, you can say YOU did it. Nobody spoon-fed you the answers. You did the research, you invested your time, you did the work.

-Morgan

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