People Don't Belong to People

Happy Valentine's Day! I'm here to emphasize that the people you find attractive, as well as the people you find neutral or unattractive, don't belong to you.

I don't understand why people feel the need to comment on how someone else looks.

Well, I should be clearer: there are certain ways people comment on other people's looks that I don't understand. I'm completely in support of people who notice something aesthetically pleasing about someone else and compliment them for it. That can brighten someone's day. I also get why people might point out that someone has food stuck in their teeth, or that they're wearing something that isn't professional enough for the job interview they're headed to. Some people want that kind of warning, especially in the second example, since it might make or break an interview.

Any other comment related to appearance strikes me needlessly critical of something that has nothing to do with you.

I notice this most when women in the public eye alter their hair somehow, especially when it involves cutting the hair short. Despite the fact that women have been cutting their hair short forever, a lot of people think women look "objectively better" with long hair (perhaps because long hair is associated with femininity, and we all know how people like to keep women in a feminine box). There's this weird possessiveness involved with fans of these women, and a lot of them act personally offended if one of them changes her hair in a way they don't approve of. When I cut my hair in July, I deleted plenty of Instagram comments that said things like "Nooooo!" and "Whyyy???", mostly from men. Apparently, I was disrupting their lives somehow by making a choice about the hair sitting on my own head.

"Objectively better" my ass.

I vote that we stop passing critical judgments on how people should stylistically express themselves. The main reason why: "objectively better" doesn't exist. Beauty is subjective. There isn't a single thing in the world that every person on Earth agrees is beautiful. Keeping that in mind, we should allow every person to be in charge of their own personal beauty, because odds are, the way they're presenting themselves is their idea of beautiful. Your criticisms of their beauty are invalid, because their opinions about their body, face, hair, etc. will trump yours every single time. This includes well-intentioned comments.

Not every compliment is even safe from this, because they can sometimes come off as backhanded. I've had several people say to me that it's lucky I "have a face for" a pixie cut. So, if I didn't have the "face" for a pixie cut, whatever that is, I shouldn't get one, even if I want one? If I think a pixie cut looks good on me and I want it, that should be the end of the story. I don't care what height or width you think my face should be, or how my jawline should look relative to the hairstyle, or what shade of skin "works best" with what hair color. Aesthetic theorists have been trying for centuries to come up with a working definition of beauty and no definition has been agreed upon by everyone. Any supposed "standards" for what the ideal pixie cut face looks like have been invented by our culture, our media, the advertising industry, etc., which are all biased towards white faces and bodies. They're not as relevant to your personal taste as you think they are.

As far as those in the public eye go, this speaks to a larger problem in society of fans treating people like they're commodities rather than, you know, people. Some artists and actors draw people in partially because of their physical aesthetic. Okay, that's fine--nothing wrong with enjoying what a person looks like as long as you don't dehumanize them. So when one of these artists tries something new, i.e. alters that aesthetic, fans react like the "product" sold to them didn't arrive with all the features the Amazon description promised. They get angry. They feel betrayed. The artist in question becomes something they own, and they demand that "it" switch back to what they "paid" for. This especially affects people who aren't content with one style for long and change it up often.

Whenever Hayley Williams deviates from red or orange, some people act like she's no longer Hayley Williams. (Source)

But this isn't limited to celebrities. Most people do this in some form or another with the people in their lives, especially their significant others. The idea that a significant other needs to monitor or approve of how their significant other looks inherently suppresses individuality. It can lead to someone folding themselves into an ill-fitted box so that the other person likes what they see (I know, because I've done it). It can reduce someone's chances of trying something new and exciting because they fear the backlash from their significant other.

This wouldn't be such a problem if it wasn't a thing that people expect between couples in this society. Not tolerate, or put up with, or ignore. Expect. And it grosses me out.

I once dated someone who "playfully" whined every time I got a haircut, and who made comments about how he missed the long hair I had when we started dating. Days after we broke up, I cut it shorter than it'd ever been (mostly because I'd wanted to, anyway, but there was some spite in there). I'm thankful every day that I didn't let his complaints influence what choices I made with my hair, and I wish I hadn't let him influence my fashion choices in the same way.

I've made a couple drastic changes with my hair in the last few months, but not once did I ask my fiancé if they would be all right with me having a pixie cut, or with me dying it red. I also didn't ask their permission to change my glasses frames to larger Ray-Bans. And, because they respect my autonomy, I've gotten nothing but support from them.

You are not your significant other's parent, and they're not yours. With that in mind, it doesn't make sense ask them if an outfit is okay to wear, or if they'd be bothered if your nails were a certain color, or if they wouldn't want to be seen with you in those shoes. Of course, this is different from asking for their input, such as, "Do you think I should go with the blue or green eyeshadow?" or "Which pair of jeans do you think fits me best?" Any opinion they give in response to those questions is invited. But if you treat their opinions on your appearance as the be-all, end-all, you risk burying your individuality. This is about you and your body, not theirs.

If only the movie had let her retain that opinion, LIKE IN THE BOOK. (Yeah, I'm one of the few Audrey Hepburn fans who can't stand the movie version of Breakfast at Tiffany's).

If you can't read the above captions, here's the text:

Paul: Holly, I am in love with you.
Holly: So what?
Paul: So what? So plenty! I love you! You belong to me.
Holly: No. People don't belong to people.
Paul: Of course they do!
Holly: I'm not gonna let anyone put me in a cage!
Paul: I'm not gonna put you in a cage. I wanna love you!
Holly: It's the same thing!

While I wouldn't necessarily agree with Holly Golightly that being loved and being put in a cage are the same thing, I don't blame her for thinking so. She was a woman in the 1960s, and most of the men who claimed to love her acted like loving her fell right into step with owning her, like Dumbass McGee up there. If entering a relationship with someone involves giving up some crucial part of what makes you you, it's not worth it. Sure, people in relationships make sacrifices for each other, but said sacrifices shouldn't result in you absorbing your entire being into another person. Don't give someone else ownership over you. Establish a partnership instead.

This doesn't just apply to women, or to people in heterosexual relationships. Occasionally, people nag my nonbinary fiancé about trimming or shaving their beard, or cutting their hair. Usually, they say they don't want to, because it's their face/head and they should be able to do what they damn well please. Sometimes, people will say that it's fine if they don't shave/cut it, as long as I'm fine with it. What the hell? It shouldn't matter whether or not I'm fine with it. I don't set boundaries for my fiancé's appearance, no matter how big or small. They're at their most beautiful when they're happy with how they look.

I mean, look at that happy face.

At this point, I'm not even comfortable assigning outfits for my future bridesmaids/groomspeople (?)/insert-gender-neutral-term-for-people-who-stand-next-to-you-in-a-wedding-here. It feels weird. Like, I guess it should be formal and maybe match a color theme? I don't know? They should be the people to choose.

So, go out there and have a nice Valentine's Day. Spread judgment-free love. I don't care if the person's your friend, your significant other, your child, your sibling, or your grandma. Let people be themselves.

-Morgan

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My Love/Meh Relationship with Frozen

Pretty personal post ahead. But I thought it was important to share on this blog, since it is closely linked with the role fiction can play in one's life and in one's identity.

If you've been on the Internet at any point over the past three months, you definitely haven't encountered this totally obscure Disney movie, Frozen. On the off chance you do know which movie I'm talking about, be warned that this post contains spoilers.

The moment the movie came out, every other person I talked to told me I needed to see it as soon as possible. People said it was the best Disney princess movie since Beauty and the Beast. I practically knew all the songs before I actually saw the thing. Two of my college-aged friends have seen the movie in theaters five times. I thought, whoa, this movie must be Pixar-level amazing. So I walked into the theater with extremely high expectations...

...and walked out confused. Disappointed. My sister agreed with me. The movie was trying too hard to be Tangled--the Sven character was completely interchangeable with the horse from Rapunzel's film. Out of all the jokes in the movie, one made me laugh. One. Even then, it was just a little "heh." I couldn't stand Olaf (I feel so bad saying that, because he's cute and sweet, just not funny to me). Elsa rubbed me the wrong way. Much of the plot "twists" were incredibly predictable. I was glad Disney finally subscribed to a type of "true love" that wasn't romantic, but I just wish I hadn't seen it coming from a mile away. Don't even get me started on Disney's choice to make Hans evil. Why were people so crazy about this movie?

Well, big deal, right? I don't have to love a movie everyone else is, for some reason, obsessed with. I participated in the cultural phenomenon and now I can move on. I tend to be a harsh critic of movies in general, anyway, so this shouldn't bother me so much.

But then there's this:

That is a picture of me and my sister, Wendy, above the movie's sister characters, Anna and Elsa. It's great that Anna is the younger sister and Elsa older, because as far as my sister and I go, the personalities match us almost perfectly. If someone had told me, "Hey, they're gonna make a movie about an older sister who has emotional issues that she doesn't know how to control and a sweet, optimistic sister who has complete faith in her," I would have thought the scriptwriters were spying on my family.

Remember, I wasn't a big fan of the movie. But the fact that I wasn't a huge fan kept bothering me, long after I'd seen it. Part of it may have related to the fact that I felt left out, since everyone else latched onto it. But I've come up with a couple more reasons that the bitterness stuck with me:

1) I'm mad that this movie didn't come out in the 90s.

Ariel!...and Eric. Belle!....and the Beast. Kiara!...and Kovu. These are the main characters of some of the Disney movies my sister and I watched (and acted out in front of the screen) as kids. Notice something about these movies? They're running low on female characters. This meant that, unless one of us wanted to be one of Gaston's fangirls or Lion King 2's evil Zera, only one of us could be "the girl," and the other was stuck being the boy. Because I was the bossy older sister, I usually got to be the female character, to Wendy's dismay.

Sure, we could have come up with our own characters, which we did. But it was fun to pretend we were characters we could see onscreen. These movies had merchandise, soundtracks we could sing to and toys we could play with. This stuff stretched the worlds further, made the fictional playground bigger. Wendy and I had a few sister movies to choose from, of course--she was the Hallie to my Annie (The Parent Trap remake), the Mei to my Satsuki (Totoro), the Mary-Kate to my Ashley (I'm not gonna list them all). But did these movies offer toys you could play with, or outfits, or dolls? Totoro has some, but not of the sisters.

If this movie had come out when we were kids, my poor mother probably would have purchased half the Frozen merchandise in the Disney store. We would have had Elsa and Anna dolls. We would have danced around singing "Do You Wanna Build a Snowman?" and "For the First Time in Forever (Reprise)" together. We would have dressed our little brother in white and called him Olaf. Heck, we would probably have started asking people to call us Elsa and Anna (we would sometimes ask people to call us by our middle names, which are close enough--I'm Morgan Elizabeth, she's Wendy Anne).

Is it immature of me to whine about how my childhood lacked Frozen? Absolutely. My childhood had plenty of wonderful things, and I'm thrilled for the little sisters of the world who get to grow up with these characters. I'm just a little jealous of them, too.

Here comes the bigger one:

2) I saw too much of Elsa in myself.

Recall how I said Elsa rubbed me the wrong way. I also mentioned that I was the bossy older sister, kind of flippantly. But I say that with some pain.

Emotions have been a big...thing for me for much of my life. If my novels are ever published, you will see what I mean. I was always the temperamental kid in the house. I had a hitting problem that I took out on my siblings. In high school, I had meltdowns. And over the past three or four years, I realized my out-of-control emotions could hurt people. I didn't know what to do about it. I tried telling myself not to explode when I felt a freak-out coming on, but that didn't help. It usually made it worse. This all leads up to the present day, when recently, a counselor told me I punish myself for feeling things too intensely.

 This scene looked familiar.

I told my friend, who is the number one Frozen fan, about this counseling session. Later on, she said to me, "If you punish yourself for your emotions, why didn't you like Elsa?"

Hm. Well, Elsa had a resolution. I'm better than I was a few years ago, but I still haven't really resolved this yet.

One thing I knew people were wild about was Elsa's song, "Let it Go" (which I now enjoy, though I don't think it's musically or lyrically strong enough to be Oscar-worthy--the best thing about it is Idina Menzel's voice). That's when she uses her icky feelings to construct her castle, which I could easily tie to my own novel-writing. I knew Elsa was bothering me, but I couldn't articulate why at the time. Some part of me must have been thinking, or rather feeling, "Let it go, huh? It'd be nice if it were that easy."

 Pictured: not me.

I kept thinking, no, she can't win. She's still hurting people. How can this song be so triumphant when "letting it go" isn't actually the answer? The whole country or whatever Arendelle is has been plunged into eternal winter because she's cursed with emotions that overpower her--I mean, ice powers. Later, when Anna tells her this, she acknowledges this herself: "I'm such a fool! I can't be free! No escape from the storm inside of me!"

I identified so strongly with Elsa that she repelled me. That happened to me the first time I read Dosteovsky, too. I pride myself as someone who is willing to look at her flaws, but sometimes, I guess it gets too close and I start pushing things away.

And I have an Anna. I have a sister who loves me even though I bossed her around and hurt her. I pushed her away plenty, especially during my last two years of high school. Sure, our relationship is great now, but I can never undo any of that stuff.

 (And she would still probably do this for me).

Is it possible to love a character and not like the movie so much? I think so. That's how I feel about Holly Golightly--Breakfast at Tiffany's is otherwise not so great (please read the book; it is so much better). After three months of not understanding my reaction to this movie, I've settled on this stance. Frozen? Meh. Anna and Elsa? Love.

And if you see yourself in a character, don't hate him or her. This goes double if you see yourself in another person you meet--I know of so many people who see their own traits in another and so decide they dislike that person. Treat that character or individual with empathy and kindness. You may learn something about yourself.

Maybe one day I will let it go. If not, I've still got that bitchin' ice castle.

-Morgan

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Tips and Thoughts on Traveling

I have returned from Italy! What does this mean, readers? It means lazing around in my sweatpants for a couple days, jet lag punching me in the face on a regular basis (my body thinks it's 9:00 pm right now, WOO!), and getting to write another blog post after nearly a month away from it.

As you know from reading my previous blog post, I was in Italy with a class. Now, I am a big fan of scholarly pursuits, and traveling is one of my favorite things to do. Putting them together is like combining peanut butter and chocolate for me. So, I had some expectations. I expected the other members of my class would be just as enthusiastic about learning as I am, and as conscious and self-aware (read: as non-touristy as possible) about being in a different country as I aspired to be. I thought I'd be traveling with a band of "my people."

Before I proceed, please note that I am not slamming my classmates, nor am I saying that they are wrong or disappointing because they did not bring my fantasy to life. Some of them were truly there for the class, while some just wanted the experience of being in Italy. That's fine; to each his own. Many of them did not manage to finish all the homework, or did not attempt it. People half-assed their final projects, or found ways to get good grades while still not putting their all into their work. Almost every night, most of my classmates went to a bar and got drunk. Again, that's all totally valid. People were there to have fun, and that is their version of fun.

Conversely, I'm the type of person who likes learning for the sake of learning, and gets frustrated when others do their work in a way that rewards them with strong grades but cuts how much they actually learn in half. I get more frustrated when so many people don't do the reading that we can't have a fruitful class discussion as a result. I don't drink and I don't think I've ever been to a bar, unless it was also a restaurant. So, was I in Italy with "my people?" For the most part, no. But did I have fun with them? Yes. Not in the way I expected, but I very much enjoyed my time with my classmates and will always be happy for the experience we had together.

The point of this semi-disclaimer is I want to post some tips on traveling that occurred to me while abroad, but I also want to emphasize that these tips apply to the type of experience I, specifically, like to attain while traveling. My classmates didn't follow all of these tips, but that doesn't mean that the way they traveled was "wrong." It just means that they wanted to get something different out of Italy than I did. So, if your personality isn't much like mine, these tips might not help you. Or you could get something out of them. You never know. If you are like me--eager to learn both academically and culturally, not too interested in the night life, aiming to be as efficient as possible--then you might enjoy these tips:

1) If you are traveling for a reasonably short amount of time (such as a month) and know you will be based in more than one hotel or city, pack as light as you possibly can. My professor suggested none of us check any bags and to avoid rolling suitcases due to all the cobblestones. I took this to heart. I purchased a backpack that just barely fit the tripod and telescope required for the astronomy portion of the class. I only packed a week's worth of shirts and three pairs of pants, choosing not to care that I'd have to wear them multiple times without washing them. I made sure all my liquid toiletries were less than 3.4 fluid ounces so I could carry them on. Was it worth it? Hell yes! I didn't have to worry about stairs or a ridiculously heavy bag. Travel between cities went more smoothly, and it felt good to have all my stuff on my person. I didn't have to worry about lost luggage or anything.

2) Be culturally sensitive and conscious of how you behave in public. If you're American, like me, many other countries already have a bad impression of your country. Some of this extends to USA residents, meaning some people who live elsewhere assume certain things about you just because of where you're from. For example, before departing for Italy, my professor's wife warned us that American girls have a reputation abroad for being "loose" (translation: not so picky about who they sleep with), loud, obnoxious, ethnocentric, and big party animals. Now, some American girls are like this, and there's nothing wrong with that. People are different. But for people like me, who don't fit any of these traits (at least I hope I'm not obnoxious or ethnocentric), it can mean having to work extra hard against people's preconceptions of you. I only looked a man in the eye if I had to directly interact with him, such as if he was my waiter. I spoke as much Italian as I knew instead of expecting everyone to know English, even though most Italians do. When what I needed to say went beyond the Italian words I knew, I asked if they spoke English to be courteous (though, sadly, I sometimes forgot to do this).

As a side note, I really dislike the philosophy, "Who cares what I do? I'm never gonna see these people again." Sure, but you're perpetuating negative American stereotypes. Worse than that, sometimes it means being incredibly rude to people, which is doubly insensitive when you're a visitor in THEIR country. Just be nice! And if you make an honest mistake, learn how to say "I'm sorry" in Italian, or in whatever language best corresponds to the country you visit.

3) Don't get drunk every night. I might be biased because I don't drink, but there are some good, practical reasons for this. Of course you wanna drink wine in Italy and have some fun. From what I hear, Italian wine is excellent, and if you're between the ages of 18-20, you can buy alcohol abroad when you can't at home! If you wanna get drunk a couple of times, go for it. But don't go overboard. According to a guidebook we read, having a good time by getting wasted is a pretty American concept. By the time European kids are 18, they're used to wine. I might be wrong about this, but I've heard some of them have been drinking it with meals for a while by then. For them, it's not this forbidden substance or a big thrill to drink (excuse my ignorance if I'm wrong). Americans who get completely trashed all the time while abroad are, among other things, supporting a stereotype. More importantly, keeping an eye on how much you drink is for your own safety. You're in a foreign country. You don't wanna be taken advantage of. Also, do you know how much money I saved by not buying alcohol? Probably hundreds of euro.

4) Balance your sightseeing with your studies. There's a reason we went to Italy to study Galileo instead of China. How wonderful is it to read about Galileo facing the Holy Office of the Inquisition in the Vatican and then walking down that intimidating hallway yourself? How awesome is it to look through a telescope and see the moons Galileo discovered with your own eyes? I would have loved Italy either way, but viewing it through Galileo's eyes, 400 years after he made his discoveries, enriched my experience a hundred fold. I will never forget his story, which is so significant to human history, because of the context in which I learned about it. I understand his importance so much better than I would have if I'd read about it in a classroom in Southern California. Sure, I could have been out exploring more of Florence when I was reading about Galileo's discoveries in my hostel. But do I regret it? Not for a second.

I have lots more to say on this topic, but I realize this post is getting rather long. So I will say one more thing. I grew a lot in Italy. I feel much more like an adult now than I did when I left. I walked through Roman and Florentine streets by myself and found my way back to my hostel without issue. I only got lost twice the entire time I was there. I spoke to non-English speaking people even though I was embarrassed by my lack of fluency in Italian. Above all, though, I did not worry nearly as much as I do when I'm at home. In Italy, I let things happen and I didn't stress about it (for the most part--there were a few exceptions). My concerns suddenly became small. All the things I fretted over on a regular basis while at home seemed tiny when I was so far away, in a country that was practically a different world. Yes, I am a writer trying to get my work published. But if that doesn't happen or doesn't work out the way I want it to, the world will not explode. The Colosseum will still be standing, with historical richness literally etched into its walls. Venice will continue to be made out of magic and unicorns. Wonderful things will still be happening all over the world.

I hope everyone who reads this gets to escape their bubble, if even only for a few days, at least once in his or her life. Happy travels.

-Morgan

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Professionalism

Out of the many things I learned from my acting career, one of the most practical and important lessons involves how to behave in a professional environment. Considering I'm a college student aiming for a degree that I'm hoping will help launch me into a professional realm I'd enjoy working in (I imagine the money I make from my books, if they get published, won't be enough to make a living), professionalism has been weighing on my mind a lot lately. But really, professionalism isn't just relevant to careers, or to college life. I'd say by the time you're in high school, you're expected to demonstrate at least basic professional behavior. Because, really, they've been drilling it into you since kindergarten.

When I started acting, my parents were very concerned about what movies would do to my attitude. They'd heard all these horror stories about children turning into little self-absorbed monsters and growing into barely-functional adults. In fact, I bugged them for four years until they agreed to let me audition for an agent. Once I landed my first movie role, though, they had to talk to me about some things. They said that I must always, always, always thank anyone who does anything for me--this includes hairdressers, make-up artists, wardrobe people, AD's (people who tell you when you're needed on set, when you need to go to the school trailer, etc.), the guy/girl who tapes your mark down to the floor, or even just some random crew member who was nice enough to grab you a Nutri Grain bar you could eat between takes (I was obsessed with the strawberry ones during The Pacifier for some reason). In addition, I always had to hang up my wardrobe when I was finished with it. Sure, I could have left it on the floor of my trailer for a wardrobe person to pick up, but hanging it up when you're done is just common decency.

This attitude was reaffirmed for me by the lovely and kindhearted Bonnie Hunt (links to her IMDb page), who gave me my first and best acting advice during Cheaper by the Dozen: "It's nice that you're talented, but remember that the most important thing is to be kind."

This is what professionalism is. Be a kind person, and you have already reached a level of professionalism that many can't seem to reach. Listening to my parents resulted in strong relationships with crew members that I may not have had otherwise. People always like to talk about the actors, directors, and producers, but I made so many wonderful friends in the hair and make-up trailer. One of the make-up artists on The Pacifier named Linda asked me what music I liked. Being eleven years old, I was enamored with Hilary Duff's album Metamorphosis, so she played it for me every time I entered the trailer. Another worker on that film, Sandra, who did my hair, had a little box of finger-sized cards with different qualities printed on each of them--"integrity," "love," and "intelligence" were among them. Whichever one you picked was the one that characterized the rest of your day, and I always loved choosing a new one while getting my hair done. The wonderful thing about being kind to these people, who I often considered more talented than myself (I didn't know how to properly apply make-up. Still don't.), was that I grew to respect them, and they respected me. And when people respect you, that makes them eager to work with you again. That is valuable in any industry.

This extends to other aspects of professionalism. For example, being punctual. My grandfather once told my mother that if you show up to something late, you're giving the impression that you do not respect the other person's time. This is not kind or polite. Quite the opposite--it's like giving someone the proverbial finger. The same applies to meeting deadlines (watch me eat my words if/when I become an actual author and have to meet book-related deadlines). The deadline your boss/agent/whoever has given you is likely the most efficient time for your work to be finished. If you don't meet your deadline, you slow down the work of others, especially if you're working on a collective project of some sort. For instance, I'm an editor on my college's newspaper, and whenever someone doesn't send in their article, the entire editing/printing schedule is slowed down.

If you do slip up and show up late, or miss your deadline, don't give excuses (unless, of course, you have a legitimate one). Acknowledge that you were late, apologize, and then move on. When you present an excuse, it's almost like you're preemptively arguing with the person about why whatever made you late is something you prioritize above their personal schedule. "Sorry, I was late because the line at Starbucks was super long," translates to, "My coffee is more important than making sure your schedule is respected." Basically, just be a decent person.

The area I worry I will have the most trouble with when I enter the professional world as an adult is emotions. As a highly emotional person, it is easy for me to lose my head when I encounter a stressful situation. Sometimes, this leads to rash behavior, which certainly isn't conducive to maintaining a professional attitude. And if whatever emotion you demonstrate is drastic enough, it could mean losing your job, or worse--damaging your career.

Let me tell you a story. I recently submitted materials to a literary agent. When I researched her online, I found some troubling information about her. I became so freaked out over the idea that a possibly sketchy agent was in possession of my writing that I wrote a very anxiety-ridden post about it on a writer's forum. Now, the intention was not malicious or slanderous--I posted it to ask fellow writers for advice about the situation and to see if anyone had insight into the legitimacy of the agent (there are a lot of scammers out there, so it never hurts to be careful). The problem was the presentation. Anyone reading that post could tell there was a crazed, eye-twitching ball of anxiety pounding away at the keyboard, using more ALL CAPS WORDS and exclamation points than were appropriate. What I did was fine. The way I did it was ruled by an emotion that I should have let cool off before I posted something on the Internet.

So, guess what? That agent, as well as several other agents, saw the post. Nothing bad happened because of that--from what I hear, none of the agents thought it was "terrible." But still, I was embarrassed, because I am not proud of how I presented myself in that post. Re-reading it, I saw immature and paranoid behavior. I saw someone trying to be professional and failing.

Did I ruin my career? No. Did I make an ass out of myself? I believe so.

Essentially, what I'm saying is, if you are kind and can keep your head, you will go far in the professional world (in theory--I'm going off my experiences with acting, working for a college newspaper, and being a student, so take it with a grain of salt). There are several other things that factor in--efficiency, self-motivation, stamina, patience, etc.--but I think these are the most important. Being a professional means having to deal with people. And when you're interacting with people, it is always best to be nice--not just because it will make your life easier, but because we are all humans, we are all in a similar boat, and having someone be nice to you when they don't have to be can improve your day.

Also, you should shower regularly. But I hope that goes without saying.

-Morgan

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Compassion in Literature and in Life

NOTE: If you like to read, I must warn you that this post is spoiler-heavy. Tread carefully.

So, there's this guy who was expelled from school, thinks the whole world is made up of fakes, and tries to lose his virginity to a prostitute. There's another guy who broke into a house in the middle of the night and killed a family of four, all for a sum of about $50. Then there's the man who slept with a married woman, and the one who threw a marble table in his wife's direction in a moment of anger and made plans to assassinate someone. Can't forget the woman who had someone's child while married to someone else, or the two men who wanted so desperately to kill their father, or the little girl responsible for the deaths of her sister and her sister's lover.

These all sound like awful people. Everyone knows prostitution objectifies both partners involved, and that murder is worth no price, and domestic abuse is tragic, and that adultery hurts people. But if your best friend, or your mother, or your spouse committed any of these crimes? Well, that's different. There's a story behind that. You know this person, and you know their intentions were good, or that a difficult past led to misguided decisions for them. They aren't like other people. They are misunderstood.

And that is why the individuals listed above are loved worldwide. Because people, or in this case, readers were allowed insight into their hearts and minds and backgrounds. Since they had the whole picture, many readers had the opportunity to fall in love with The Catcher in the Rye's Holden Caulfield, despite his expulsion from school and his desperation to lose his virginity. Though many were sickened and disgusted by what he'd done, several also could not help tearing up when reading about Perry Smith's execution in In Cold Blood, because they knew of Smith's artistic side, of the part of him that wanted to be human. In The Great Gatsby, the reader accompanies Gatsby in his desperate search for the love of his life, Daisy, and understands his wish to love her despite her marital status. Pierre from War and Peace is no assassin, as his failure to assassinate Napoleon proves, but rather a loveable, bumbling man who cannot decide what he is. Hester Prynne, of The Scarlet Letter, had suffered unhappiness with her faraway husband, and so found comfort in her town's religious figure. Dmitri and Ivan Fyodorovich, who make up two of the three Brothers Karamazov, grew up with an irresponsible, neglectful father, to the point where he sometimes forgot about his children's existence when they were very young. Briony of Atonement did not mean to kill her sister or her sister's lover--she was young and ignorant, and she made a mistake that yielded disastrous consequences, consequences her child's mind could not understand.

This is how compassion and literature intertwine. These people exist in our everyday lives--people who have committed treachery, but for a reason. People who have erred because they are flawed and human. And I think, most of the time, it is a lot easier to pass judgment on these people, because it is much harder to get to know someone and consider why they would act a certain way. When this easier method of "understanding" someone becomes a habit, it leads to intolerance, which can lead to prejudice, racism, sexism, homophobia.

When someone wrongs you or makes you angry, it is much easier to say, "She's a bitch." It is much harder to restrain yourself and say, "She's going through a difficult time" or "she doesn't know how to talk about her feelings without lashing out" or "this is not about me, it is about her." But you must. If you're going to be a compassionate person, you must do the harder thing. Otherwise, a whole string of people are hurting one another because they feel hurt. If someone stops the cycle, the injurious current comes to a standstill, and while that one person may endure more pain because of it, it's worth putting a stop to hatred.

Now, I'm not saying that understanding someone's background and frame of mind automatically excuses their behavior. This is certainly not the case. Perry Smith committed a disgusting act by murdering four members of the Clutter family. But I don't think he is a disgusting person. I don't think any single person in the world, when considering all the memories, all the nuances, all the quotes and quirks that make up a person, can be boiled down to being simply "disgusting." Such a limited description is insulting to the human personality's complexity. Every person is responsible for his or her behavior. I am not saying to search for excuses; I am saying to search for explanations.

For those who have not read In Cold Blood, the remaining members of the Clutter family did not believe Perry Smith should have been executed. Out of everyone in the world, they would have received the least criticism for wishing death upon someone. Their family members had been murdered. They were devastated. But they chose to see Perry as a person instead of a villain in their own self-centered narratives, and so disagreed with his death sentence. They did not say, "It's fine that he killed our family, he is only human." Of course it was not fine. But they validated his humanity. They showed almost unbelievable compassion, which I think brings more internal peace than feelings of revenge do.

I realize I may be rambling a bit here, and that this blog entry doesn't have as clear of a point as my past ones have. I've just undergone some experiences lately that have forced me to think about compassion in general, and wanted to write some things down. I'm just asking, please, try not to do the easy thing next time. Someone cut you off in traffic? Okay, you did that to someone yesterday. And even if you didn't, not everyone is as careful as you on the road. But those who aren't may be better about punctuality, while you aren't. Or maybe they're more environmentally conscientious, when you aren't. People have strengths and weaknesses. To target another for their weakness in an area where you have strength is bullying, and it isn't fair.

Be kind. Be loving. Be a fellow member of the human race, and acknowledge one another's humanity. That's all.

-Morgan

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Who Are Your Role Models and Why?

In this media-driven age, it seems most people's role models come primarily from the entertainment industry. It's a lot more common to hear someone say, "I wanna be like Lady Gaga!" than it is to hear someone say, "I wanna be like Stephen Hawking!" Granted, there are probably tons of people out there who wanna be like Stephen Hawking. But many average folk, especially if they're young, idolize singers and actors, Youtube personalities and comedians--in other words, celebrities. Hell, that's why we call them "idols," a word that used to just mean objects of worship, often representing gods. Look at the chilling implications of that etymology. Celebrities have become gods.

When asked why a person admires a certain entertainer, they will give you reasons. "I really like her style," or, "His music inspires me," seem common enough. And those are fine reasons. But some people take it a step farther and start modeling their behavior after these people. The singer you like may have a sharp fashion sense, but on the other hand, she might also have spent $24 million dollars on her wedding, and does not spend a penny on charities that she can certainly afford to donate to. On the flip side, you might love an actor who constantly volunteers with humanitarian organizations, and promotes them when he is too busy to help out personally.

The point I'm trying to make here is I don't know if everyone looks up to celebrities for the right reasons.

Let me tell you a story about one of my role models: Audrey Hepburn. I did not become enamored with her until last summer. What triggered my interest were two very superficial factors: 1) The face of my favorite Disney princess as a child, Princess Aurora (Sleeping Beauty) was supposedly modeled after Audrey's, and 2) Audrey is my favorite feminine name. I knew people revered her and that she's persisted as a popular Hollywood icon for the past sixty years, but I had never seen any of her films. So I sat down with my mom and watched Roman Holiday. Then Sabrina. Then My Fair Lady. Then Breakfast at Tiffany's, but only after reading Truman Capote's novella of the same name (which is better than the film, by the way).

Of course, her performances charmed me the way they've charmed thousands, perhaps millions of other people over the decades. She was young, especially in Roman Holiday and Sabrina, but carried herself with wisdom and understanding that seemed older than her. She did not play her characters for laughs, as so many romantic comedy actresses seem to do nowadays, nor did she ever come across as melodramatic to me. Everything about her acting seemed earnest. She understood her characters, their pains and their desires, how seriously or lightly they took themselves to be. Princess Ann, Sabrina, Holly Golightly and Eliza Doolittle all look essentially the same, but she did what a good actor does--transformed them each into their own person, even lending authenticity to Eliza, who is written as an exaggerated character. She impressed me the way a chameleon like Meryl Streep does today.

But had I not looked any more into Audrey's life, that's all she would have been to me: a good actress.

I wanted to learn more, so I researched her biographies, hoping to find one that would give me the best insight into her life. I ended up buying Audrey Hepburn, An Elegant Spirit: A Son Remembers (links to the book's Amazon page). Some anonymous commenter on Yahoo answers mentioned that, since it was written by her son, Sean Ferrer, it came across as more heartfelt and invested than any of the others. After reading it, I agreed. It made me fall in love with Audrey for a better, separate reason, because I got a glimpse of the kind of person she was.

According to her son, Audrey was, despite being the glamor icon she is now, humble and not very flashy. She was not slim because she obsessed over her body weight for industry reasons, but because she preferred small meals, and because her body experienced extreme hunger during World War II (she lived in the Netherlands during Germany's occupation there in the 1940s). She did not view herself in an elevated light because she was an actress. In fact, she did not think much of herself at all. She did not think herself pretty (dear god), and she refused to write an autobiography because she did not think her life interesting enough; she doubted anyone would like it.

But above all, she was compassionate. She loved her father to the end, although he abandoned her and left her emotionally wounded. She became heavily involved in UNICEF, physically and emotionally providing for African children who were both figuratively and literally starving (in the biography, Sean Ferrer recounts a touching anecdote in which a young African girl standing in line for food feels torn between getting her food and running to Audrey for a hug. In the end, she flings herself into Audrey's arms, craving motherly love more than nourishment). She believed in "never throw[ing] out anyone," and she always put her children before her career. Honestly, read the biography, because Ferrer paints a beautiful picture of his mother, and I believe everything he says is sincere. His words overflow with so much love and loss (he wrote it after her death) that it couldn't be anything but sincere.

I believe this compassion is what made her such a wonderful actress. When I see a sub-par acting performance, I always wonder if they're forgetting to let themselves be compassionate toward their character. Nailing a character's speech patterns, quirks, and "motivation" are important, yes. But if you do not truly understand your character, empathize with your character, even if (especially if) that character's values/morals/beliefs do not fall into line with yours, then I don't think you can portray them properly. I apply this same principle to writing. Compassion is the most valuable thing you can teach through your characters, no matter what medium you present them in. And though I never knew her and never will, I believe Audrey understood this. I thought it the moment Ferrer wrote about having to act in a school play as a character plagued with various diseases, and his mother told him to make sure he knew what all of those diseases were, and their symptoms. She taught him not just to intellectually understand his character, but to really feel the character. Heart and head both intertwine to make a person. Squeezing out a few tears to make your portrayal seem more authentic doesn't cut it on its own.

It's impossible to tell what a person's really like. A celebrity who you love and seems perfect could be (and probably is) hiding their flaws from their fans and critics. The actress who seems like a bitch in the tabloids could actually be a sweetheart in person. But what I'm saying here is, examine why you admire your role models. Whenever I meet another Audrey fan who likes her movies, but doesn't care about her UNICEF period, I wrinkle my nose a little. It seems like an insult to her memory. It would be so easy to love Audrey for her beauty and her elvish charm alone, but my heart feels so much warmer when I remember how she tended to those lost children, and how she treated her characters just as affectionately. Think of the person behind the idol, or what you know about that person, since you can't really know them. Think about their humanity, not the dress they wore to such-and-such premiere, or how they do their make-up. These things are fine to think about and admire, yes, but don't make them the basis of your admiration.

So, why do you like Lady Gaga? Is it because she champions equal rights? Or is it the meat dress?

-Morgan

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